New Chapter In My Life

Everyday I just want to head home and see my baobei, yes I'm promoted to a mom since last year 21Jan14. Things no longer stay the same and although I'm tired but seeing him grow up day by day and achieving one milestones after another really makes me feel

Stages from getting pregnant till give birth wasn't easy especially woman at my age, body and stamina deteriorates after hitting big 3x. To be honest I felt I'm kinda lucky because XBZ really takes good care of me from dating till married and not many men can do things for their loved ones to this extent.

Still remember that day, after check in to the delivery suite at SGH he was with me and attending to my needs and still can crack jokes while waiting for the right time during dilation. Finally the right time comes and need to push out the baby. Often heard people tell me just push out the baby like shitting which is not true, no matter how hard I tried still cannot work till the gynae scanned my tummy and then saw my boy's position wasn't right and his head was stuck near my pelvis and already causing abrasion on his head.

Dr Tan then said no choice have to go for C-section because both myself and baby blood pressure is getting low. I must say they are really professional when I'm push to O.T. everyone was ready and waiting for my arrival. Even if with 2nd dose of epidural didn't manage to ease my pain when Dr Tan lay his "weapon" on me... I can literally feel his knife tearing my flesh and skin layer after layer like a living animal and I shouted out in pain and cannot endure anymore and I request for full body undergo anesthetic for full body and within 5 minutes I was knocked out completely.

The next thing I know or remember is its already 11pm when I awoke and my boy is sleeping next to me in his cot. Took a first glance and couldn't believe my eyes that's the flesh growing for 9 good months in me, that's a miracle of a life within such short time frame.

P/S: All I wished for is my boy always in good health and be a useful person as he grows.

XoXo,
24Apr'15

Finally .. Fresh 2010

Been awhile since I updated this blog (covered with spider cobwebs and a thick layer of dust by now)... *cough cough* ... Decided to update touch up abit about what happened recently.

Keep spouting on changing a new job from the day when my office moved from RCT to SIA Building and now to Abacus Plaza (Tampines), XBZ gave me the support when I went for interview with the orange logo company. While waiting, my throat choked for no reason and keep clearing the phlem stucked at my throat that made me feel real uncomfortable. " Breatheeeee ... cool it. It's just an interview ... no big deal lahhh ... "
Usually those job interviews I went before never lasted for more 30mins but this one I managed to stretch it till close to 6pm!! The interviewers were nice (cant remember their names) and the manager is friendly too.
So Im told to wait for the call from their HR department if im being selected for the job vacancy but there's no news till 2days after my BKK trip, their HR called and informed me I've been selected (I actually pondered what took them so long to decide). Im thrilled cos I didnt expect to hit the jackpot when I actually tried their rival company the green umbrella company 2years ago, in fact twice yet I screwed up the interview... =|

Jacqueline - their HR staff called & brief me on the details .... seriously im listening and I actually hesitated their offer when she told me there will be no pay during the training about 6 weeks (3 weeks @ Aljunied ROC & the remaining 3 weeks at the general enquiry hotline)... NO PAY leh ... how to survive??!! Aarrgghh... after careful considerations and looking at the overall package it offers I took it up.
XBZ told me that even though this new company offered me the job with not really that high pay, I still somehow benefit from it (considering the travelling distance I travelled up & down from west to east mon-fri 3 hours in total).

I nod my head.

Appreciate what XBZ had done for me when im really lost about what to do with my life and he somehow shed some light and gave me directions where I should go or do.

Tendered my resignation letter with TW (where I spent my 9years of youth) ... only told a few close ones here that Im leaving & my last day wil be on 5March. I will miss them for sure,my sista, Jo & Jennifer whom I have gone through think & thin with. Hopefully this goodbye don't lead the end of our friendship when I left. Will make the effort to organise gatherings and meet-ups for our birthdays.

*sniff sniff*

arrggghhhh... pek chek siar!!!

Today I msn him how long is he going to hog onto the current line im signing for him? he told me by this year end (he will try)... I pissed... super duper pissed when his msn personal message wrote JOHNATHAN LOVE LYNN ... I wanna puked!!!

About the money he owed me a week ago I sms him has he trf the money over to me, day 1 no reply, day 2 i sms him again askin him did he rcvd my sms, shd hv least courteousy to reply Y/N... day 3 sms him again ... then he tell me he last min got tight financial & cant pay me back. Actually Im not that furious if I didn't see the photos he posted on facebook in the hotel (AGAIN)~ and moreover its in my FAVE HOTEL!!! im super duper upset & depressed...

I told him that when he asked me for help and I help, I dun enjoy chasing him every month like a mad woman asking him to pay his debts. Really sick & tired of it.
I just wanna clear shit & settle it and get it over. He told me he will try and kept saying sorry. Driving me nuts, beside saying sorry to me & it seems that he cant say anything else... WDF!!!! i told him he sure can ... lessen his visits to hotels sure can de ...

Guess wad??!! He asked me not to mistaken abt him and those hotel trips are not paid by him, its his galfren. I nearly fainted... suddenly I felt tat this man I once knew now letting me feel that he's worthless for me to pin any more more on him. I should really face the reality and move on... once these 2 issues are settled I wont contact him anymore (through all channels be it HP, MSN & even FACEBOOK etc).

The more I thought of it, the more heartpain I felt... can only describe the feeling of 心灰意冷 that I having nowww... im so gg to hibernate & hibernate & hibernate ... 

真的是“没眼看“ （in cantonese)!

Such an eyesore ... He kept on posting pictures he took with her in a hotel room.
First time I saw it, kinda feeling sour. 2nd time when I saw it, Im upset. 3rd time when I saw it ..
I actually felt disgusted. I don't know why either.

Am I still into him? Nope.

In fact, I felt that all these while he keep bringing her to hotel room actually makes me feel its not only sleazy but also doesn't reflect very well on the person. Coz why? Because he can't bring the girl home!
Every trip to the hotel isn't that cheap in Singapore unless they are visiting hotel 81 chains and hoping to get VIP membership eh??

Im pissed... really pissed.

Shouldn't helped him out by borrowing him money... im damn stupid~ Waiting for him to payback by monthly installments is draggy and troublesome. arrggghhhh~~~~~~

Get it over & move on ....

No more grieving, no more left over feelings for an unimaginable b*****d like him ... Its over & no more tears to cry for him. Let those memories I had with him be buried in the tomb of hopeless for good.

I had enough ... =|

Shouldn't harbour any thoughts of patching things up with him again. Its over.

Whatever bullshit he told me are all lies, lies & they are still lies.

But I'm not going to hate him because its not going to be different & most importantly he won't change. No matter what I did or I said, hate him or not makes no difference.

I believe the saddest thing in life,
is caring so much for someone
and then one day you look into their eyes
and listen to them talk and realize that they are gone.
All you see in front of you is a stranger
with just a known name.

"Thinking Of You"



Comparisons are easily done

Once you've had a taste of perfection

Like an apple hanging from a tree

I picked the ripest one

I still got the seed



You said move on

Where do I go

I guess second best

Is all I will know



Cause when I'm with him

I am thinking of you

Thinking of you

What you would do if

You were the one

Who was spending the night

Oh I wish that I

Was looking into your eyes



You're like an Indian summer

In the middle of winter

Like a hard candy

With a surprise center

How do I get better

Once I've had the best

You said there's

Tons of fish in the water

So the waters I will test



He kissed my lips

I taste your mouth

He pulled me in

I was disgusted with myself



Cause when I'm with him

I am thinking of you

Thinking of you

What you would do if

You were the one

Who was spending the night



Oh I wish that I

Was looking into...



You're the best

And yes I do regret

How I could let myself

Let you go

Now the lesson's learned

I touched it I was burned

Oh I think you should know



Cause when I'm with him

I am thinking of you

Thinking of you

What you would do if

You were the one

Who was spending the night

Oh I wish that I

Was looking into your eyes

Looking into your eyes

Looking into your eyes

Oh won't you walk through

And bust in the door

And take me away

Oh no more mistakes

Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

What more can I say....?? Because im still silly ...

Its been a while since we started to contact each other again after a year or so. Did thought of starting all over again with him but I held back, because I still have my fears & doubts...

Happen to browse through his facebook profile & his status states in a relationship! WDF!! Im damn pissed & totally speechless... What more can I say?? On 24Aug still can tell me over the phone he will wait for me cos he owed me but then now ... I reckoned his percentage of sincerity what he told me all these while.

Why?? When I'm beginning to change my perception of him & trust him again, I think accidents do happened at times. From when I got to know him till now, im blinded by how he treats me like queen & I totally forgot how he treat me like shit when he no longer loves me he used to be.

Gawwwdddd!!! what happened to me?