(This blog was written way since 24Aug08)
Ended a relationship 1/2 years back, looking back how foolish I've been to actually think history wont repeat itself, serve me right indeed~
Life still goes on.
Sun still rises from east & the earth still revolving 24/7... Everything won't stopped just for me till I got better. No amount of tears can describe how I felt when those bad things happened to me and my friends, family stood by me all these while. My soul-mate "E" stood by me when I'm really in bad mood and in tears all the time. He promised me that he will stood by me and nothing will changed. I'm glad that I got to know him and I guessed somehow though I'm having rough patch in relationship but least good gracious heaven gave me someone who I can turn to when I need a shoulder to lean on.
"J" is someone I thought I can rely on in this lifetime when we are together but sad to say good times don't last when I realised his heart is no longer with me. Beginning of year 2008 is definitely not a good kickoff start for me, towards some people I have to face everyday I have to put up a brave front as if nothing happened but deep inside me, blood is bleeding everyday till I ended it once & for all (THAT"S THE BEST ADVANCE VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT FROM HIM TO ME). I poured out all my sorrows to sis-ta and keep on crying. Eyes become so red & swollen and totally no appetite to eat at all. I've been expecting a truthful answer from "J" and unlike from our previous breakup years ago the answer I got from him is NEUTRAL. This time round I gave him up because before we got back together again, I already told him that if in the event things like this happened, I won't give him a chance to choose who he wanted to be with. I can't believe that the person I trusted most actually can bring himself to cheat behind my back and claimed nothing happened.
"C" is his colleague in his company who is married with 3 kids and I saw her once during a wedding dinner and she sat next to me that night. That's the woman who's involved with my boyfriend at that point of time. What saddens me most was not he spin excuses & lied to me but its the fact that he DO NOT have the courage to tell me the truth and after 2 weeks of cool off period and on the day we meet and naive me thought every-thing's alright between the 2 of us. On that fateful night, I can't sleep (though he's snoring away like a pig beside me). Tossing & turning... suddenly a devil suddenly appears and keep telling me, check his mobile. I never had this kind of feeling before so I go & check his mobile. True enough... this "C" called him baby and those messages I went through ... tear drops can't stop rolling down from my cheeks at 0320am. I calmed myself down and sent a sms to "E" that my instinct is right after-all. Around 7plus in the morning I can't wait any longer and wake "J" up and ask him about this colleague "C".
He keep denying and only told me "C" is only showing concern for him as a colleague. He still got the cheek telling me there's nothing going on between the 2 of them. When the man I love is telling me lies right before my eyes, I knew its over.
After our last movie together and usual goodbye kiss, he sent me home. I sent him a sms saying : 谢谢你爱过我 ~ and I go off to bed. Not long after he replied asking am I asleep? I told him no because I can't sleep. He told me he's worried about me and he's sorry for all the things he has done... Sorry is the last word I won't want to hear from him.
We officially went our separate ways on 11FEB. Less then 2 months later, he sent me an sms saying hope all things are fine for me. I replied later saying same goes for you. Not longer after he sent me a sms saying : He wish to ask for my forgiveness and if will I still give him a chance and he will not press me for an answer and I can think about it. I was shocked by this sms sent by him because it came earlier than my brother expected. My bro told me ... TRUST ME ... he will come back to u in 6 months time.
Deep inside me, I knew this man can no longer be trusted and I'm better off alone and can't withstand another heartbreak from the same guy again~
