arrggghhhh... pek chek siar!!!

Today I msn him how long is he going to hog onto the current line im signing for him? he told me by this year end (he will try)... I pissed... super duper pissed when his msn personal message wrote JOHNATHAN LOVE LYNN ... I wanna puked!!!

About the money he owed me a week ago I sms him has he trf the money over to me, day 1 no reply, day 2 i sms him again askin him did he rcvd my sms, shd hv least courteousy to reply Y/N... day 3 sms him again ... then he tell me he last min got tight financial & cant pay me back. Actually Im not that furious if I didn't see the photos he posted on facebook in the hotel (AGAIN)~ and moreover its in my FAVE HOTEL!!! im super duper upset & depressed...

I told him that when he asked me for help and I help, I dun enjoy chasing him every month like a mad woman asking him to pay his debts. Really sick & tired of it.
I just wanna clear shit & settle it and get it over. He told me he will try and kept saying sorry. Driving me nuts, beside saying sorry to me & it seems that he cant say anything else... WDF!!!! i told him he sure can ... lessen his visits to hotels sure can de ...

Guess wad??!! He asked me not to mistaken abt him and those hotel trips are not paid by him, its his galfren. I nearly fainted... suddenly I felt tat this man I once knew now letting me feel that he's worthless for me to pin any more more on him. I should really face the reality and move on... once these 2 issues are settled I wont contact him anymore (through all channels be it HP, MSN & even FACEBOOK etc).

The more I thought of it, the more heartpain I felt... can only describe the feeling of 心灰意冷 that I having nowww... im so gg to hibernate & hibernate & hibernate ... 

真的是“没眼看“ （in cantonese)!

Such an eyesore ... He kept on posting pictures he took with her in a hotel room.
First time I saw it, kinda feeling sour. 2nd time when I saw it, Im upset. 3rd time when I saw it ..
I actually felt disgusted. I don't know why either.

Am I still into him? Nope.

In fact, I felt that all these while he keep bringing her to hotel room actually makes me feel its not only sleazy but also doesn't reflect very well on the person. Coz why? Because he can't bring the girl home!
Every trip to the hotel isn't that cheap in Singapore unless they are visiting hotel 81 chains and hoping to get VIP membership eh??

Im pissed... really pissed.

Shouldn't helped him out by borrowing him money... im damn stupid~ Waiting for him to payback by monthly installments is draggy and troublesome. arrggghhhh~~~~~~

Get it over & move on ....

No more grieving, no more left over feelings for an unimaginable b*****d like him ... Its over & no more tears to cry for him. Let those memories I had with him be buried in the tomb of hopeless for good.

I had enough ... =|

Shouldn't harbour any thoughts of patching things up with him again. Its over.

Whatever bullshit he told me are all lies, lies & they are still lies.

But I'm not going to hate him because its not going to be different & most importantly he won't change. No matter what I did or I said, hate him or not makes no difference.

I believe the saddest thing in life,
is caring so much for someone
and then one day you look into their eyes
and listen to them talk and realize that they are gone.
All you see in front of you is a stranger
with just a known name.

"Thinking Of You"



Comparisons are easily done

Once you've had a taste of perfection

Like an apple hanging from a tree

I picked the ripest one

I still got the seed



You said move on

Where do I go

I guess second best

Is all I will know



Cause when I'm with him

I am thinking of you

Thinking of you

What you would do if

You were the one

Who was spending the night

Oh I wish that I

Was looking into your eyes



You're like an Indian summer

In the middle of winter

Like a hard candy

With a surprise center

How do I get better

Once I've had the best

You said there's

Tons of fish in the water

So the waters I will test



He kissed my lips

I taste your mouth

He pulled me in

I was disgusted with myself



Cause when I'm with him

I am thinking of you

Thinking of you

What you would do if

You were the one

Who was spending the night



Oh I wish that I

Was looking into...



You're the best

And yes I do regret

How I could let myself

Let you go

Now the lesson's learned

I touched it I was burned

Oh I think you should know



Cause when I'm with him

I am thinking of you

Thinking of you

What you would do if

You were the one

Who was spending the night

Oh I wish that I

Was looking into your eyes

Looking into your eyes

Looking into your eyes

Oh won't you walk through

And bust in the door

And take me away

Oh no more mistakes

Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

What more can I say....?? Because im still silly ...

Its been a while since we started to contact each other again after a year or so. Did thought of starting all over again with him but I held back, because I still have my fears & doubts...

Happen to browse through his facebook profile & his status states in a relationship! WDF!! Im damn pissed & totally speechless... What more can I say?? On 24Aug still can tell me over the phone he will wait for me cos he owed me but then now ... I reckoned his percentage of sincerity what he told me all these while.

Why?? When I'm beginning to change my perception of him & trust him again, I think accidents do happened at times. From when I got to know him till now, im blinded by how he treats me like queen & I totally forgot how he treat me like shit when he no longer loves me he used to be.

Gawwwdddd!!! what happened to me?

在爱情的世界里没有承诺，只有共识....

(This blog was written way since 24Aug08)

Ended a relationship 1/2 years back, looking back how foolish I've been to actually think history wont repeat itself, serve me right indeed~

Life still goes on.

Sun still rises from east & the earth still revolving 24/7... Everything won't stopped just for me till I got better. No amount of tears can describe how I felt when those bad things happened to me and my friends, family stood by me all these while. My soul-mate "E" stood by me when I'm really in bad mood and in tears all the time. He promised me that he will stood by me and nothing will changed. I'm glad that I got to know him and I guessed somehow though I'm having rough patch in relationship but least good gracious heaven gave me someone who I can turn to when I need a shoulder to lean on.

"J" is someone I thought I can rely on in this lifetime when we are together but sad to say good times don't last when I realised his heart is no longer with me. Beginning of year 2008 is definitely not a good kickoff start for me, towards some people I have to face everyday I have to put up a brave front as if nothing happened but deep inside me, blood is bleeding everyday till I ended it once & for all (THAT"S THE BEST ADVANCE VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT FROM HIM TO ME). I poured out all my sorrows to sis-ta and keep on crying. Eyes become so red & swollen and totally no appetite to eat at all. I've been expecting a truthful answer from "J" and unlike from our previous breakup years ago the answer I got from him is NEUTRAL. This time round I gave him up because before we got back together again, I already told him that if in the event things like this happened, I won't give him a chance to choose who he wanted to be with. I can't believe that the person I trusted most actually can bring himself to cheat behind my back and claimed nothing happened.

"C" is his colleague in his company who is married with 3 kids and I saw her once during a wedding dinner and she sat next to me that night. That's the woman who's involved with my boyfriend at that point of time. What saddens me most was not he spin excuses & lied to me but its the fact that he DO NOT have the courage to tell me the truth and after 2 weeks of cool off period and on the day we meet and naive me thought every-thing's alright between the 2 of us. On that fateful night, I can't sleep (though he's snoring away like a pig beside me). Tossing & turning... suddenly a devil suddenly appears and keep telling me, check his mobile. I never had this kind of feeling before so I go & check his mobile. True enough... this "C" called him baby and those messages I went through ... tear drops can't stop rolling down from my cheeks at 0320am. I calmed myself down and sent a sms to "E" that my instinct is right after-all. Around 7plus in the morning I can't wait any longer and wake "J" up and ask him about this colleague "C".
He keep denying and only told me "C" is only showing concern for him as a colleague. He still got the cheek telling me there's nothing going on between the 2 of them. When the man I love is telling me lies right before my eyes, I knew its over.

After our last movie together and usual goodbye kiss, he sent me home. I sent him a sms saying : 谢谢你爱过我 ~ and I go off to bed. Not long after he replied asking am I asleep? I told him no because I can't sleep. He told me he's worried about me and he's sorry for all the things he has done... Sorry is the last word I won't want to hear from him.

We officially went our separate ways on 11FEB. Less then 2 months later, he sent me an sms saying hope all things are fine for me. I replied later saying same goes for you. Not longer after he sent me a sms saying : He wish to ask for my forgiveness and if will I still give him a chance and he will not press me for an answer and I can think about it. I was shocked by this sms sent by him because it came earlier than my brother expected. My bro told me ... TRUST ME ... he will come back to u in 6 months time.

Deep inside me, I knew this man can no longer be trusted and I'm better off alone and can't withstand another heartbreak from the same guy again~

当当当当.....

"Mei, congrats!" I said. Fiona smiled back at me radiantly. Not longer after that I passed her the gift that Alyssaw & me shared, we bought her a precious moment figurine "HAPPILY EVER AFTER" suited the bridegroom & bride-to-be which represents our well-wishes.

When the JP arrived, Andrew read out loud his own prepared vows... as he read on, mei's tears rolling down from her cheeks. When I saw this, my tears also rolled down frm my cheeks like water-tap. Perhaps I'm too happy for her as after years of searching, she finally found someone who she can entrust herself happiness to. Before he can finished his, everybody clapped anxiously when he haven't even finished his part. Everybody's giggling over his gan-cheongness... LOLzzz

Now It's mei's turn ler. Her vow are as below:-

"Today as i give myself to you, my mind is clear and my commitment is strong. I take you to be my life partner. I promise to love and cherish you, to hold you close and to place you above all others. We will share a lifetime of eternal and immeasurable love."

Can't wait for her BIG day to arrive on 2009, supposed to get it done on 2008, however, according to her mom, 08 is not a good year to have red affair as its a 寡妇年... Mei's been asking me when's my turn? Woohhh... stressed arh....! Wanna get wed is not easy de lor, lots of stuffs to do wor... I guessed me stil not fully prepared yet... Lemme save my monies 1st!! *winkz*